I’m not one to apologize. Very seldom will I express a profound apology, or an apology at all, really.
The phrase I’m sorry to me is just that, a phrase. Its empty. It doesn’t express actual remorse; it doesn’t prevent you from exhibiting the very same behavior you just apologized for.
As such, I hardly ever verbally apologize.
Before Mr. M.O.B. and I went on our first date I told him – I will never, ever, ever, say I’m sorry – Because chances are, I’m not sorry – And if I am indeed sorry I will change my behavior; this will serve as proof of how repentant I am.
No words. Ever.
We have been together 16 years. I haven’t said I’m sorry yet.
But I bake spicy cheese crackers; and in the meantime I work hard to change.
The crackers help. Sometimes I’m a stubborn mule.
These crackers are hella cheesy, like an old school 80’s jam – Like New Edition’s Candy Girl.
I grated all the leftover cheese pieces in my fridge. I usually have leftover cheese pieces due to all the cheese dishes I make. I love cheese. I urge you to use what’s on hand, preferably hard cheeses. No need to be fancy.
Unless you want to be fancy.
Fancy is a choice.
I can dig it.
These squares of cheesy goodness have a bit of powdered achiote powder to give them a nice earthy flavor and the bright orange hue you’re accustomed to seeing in Cheese-its.
But these are not Cheese-its. They are a spicy sophisticated mofo of a cracker.
In addition to achiote this dough is spiced with chili powder, onion powder, ground pepper, and salt. Before you add the half and half its crumbly from all the cheese.
The dough comes together easily and is easy to work with following a brief chill period.
And it smells like yummy 80’s jam cheesiness, just so you know. In case you’re into that stuff…
Its an easy dough to roll and cut with either a pizza cutter or a tiny square cutter. Do you like round crackers?
Go for it!
The crackers spend minimal time in the oven and are best eaten while catching up to episodes of Breaking Bad. Or whatever you’re into. They are known to last a couple of episodes and taste like you’ve been slapped in the face with a cheese wheel. A spicy crunchy cheese wheel. An addictively spicy, crunchy cheese wheel.
And for that I will never, ever, ever…
- 1 cup sharp cheddar cheese, coarsely grated
- 1 cup parmesan cheese, coarsely grated
- 1 cup gruyere cheese, coarsely grated
- 2 teaspoons chili powder
- 2 teaspoons onion powder
- 1/4 teaspoon achiote powder
- 1 teaspoon ground pepper
- 1 1/2 cup of all purpose flour, scooped then leveled
- 1 teaspoon kosher salt, plus more for topping
- 4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) unsalted butter cut into about 4 pieces
- 3 1/2 tablespoons of half and half
In a bowl of a food processor combine the sharp, parmesan and gruyere cheeses. Add the onion, chili, and achiote powders, ground pepper, salt and flour. Pulse a couple of times to combine. Add the butter and pulse until the mixture is crumbly. Add the half and half until the dough just comes together.
Remove the dough from the food processor and transfer it to a very lightly floured surface. gather the dough into 2 rough squares or logs and wrap them in plastic wrap. Place the dough pieces in the freezer for about 30 minutes.
Preheat your oven to 350 degree Fahrenheit and line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper.
Remove one piece of dough from the freezer and unwrap. Lightly sprinkle your counter with flour and place the ball of cheesy dough on top. Roll the dough into a rectangle that is about 1/8" thick. You can go as thing as 1/16, but I don't know how to measure that thin. Just get it as thin as you can. Keep lifting the dough to ensure its not sticking to the surface. Lightly sprinkle with flour as needed.
Cut the dough into 1-inch squares either using a square cutter or eye-balling that sucka. Poke a hole in the center of each square using the flat end of a bamboo skewer or a small pastry tip.
Carefully transfer the squares to a your prepared baking sheet and lightly sprinkle with kosher salt.
Bake the squares for 12-15 minutes or until the end begin to brown, rotating the pan halfway through. Remove from the oven and allow them to cool for about 5 minutes or so. They harden as they cool, so try not to over-bake them unless you like real crunchy crackers.
Repeat with the second piece of dough.
Makes a Discillion (made up number, more than a millon) crackers.