Be a good guest and roll up to your host’s house with a batch of these Piña Colada Bars. Soft and cakey, with bites of coconut and pineapple in every bite – These bars are truly perfection!
With all this technology, why haven’t taken a close up shot of an Alien Life Form or at the very least, a spaceship? Every camera has a zoom lens these days, yet all we have (in 2015, mind you) are blurry distant shots and a lot of Photoshop images.
Is it us?
Is it them?
Clearly we are not alone. Why haven’t they rolled up on us, like – “Hi I’m an Alien X from Planet Xuctar, 6600 light years from Earth. Wazzzuuuuuuuup! Come check out my space whip! Wait, would he call himself an Alien? Probably not. Homie would call himself by name; a name with so many extraterrestrial consonants, I’d probably call homeslice Alien Bob.
As long as I’m not used for fuel, food, or slave labor – I’m totally down with getting my ass beamed up to a spaceship and meeting alien life form peeps. So… Where are we with this? Can a sista’ get a seat saved on a space whip? I can bring treats.
My mama taught me well. You don’t roll up to someone’s house (or ship) without a lil’ somethin’ somethin’ for your host. My only hope is, I get to leave the ship with some sort of super power, removed of all the toxins I’ve accumulated in my body, and my ovaries. #justsayinaliens
As I wait for the day when Aliens reveal themselves and invite me back to their MuthaShip, I prepare for this eventual and no doubt momentous occurrence with a batch of cakey Piña Colada Bars. You know, that is assuming Alien life forms come to Earth for the food and not our depleting resources.
These Cakey Piña Colada bars are just that, cakey and you know, Piña Colada-y. Sweetened flakes of coconut are folded into the batter. It’s crazy. I dig it. Over this batter is a hella dose of sweetened pineapple chunks. They are baked till golden and promptly removed from the oven to cool.
Once the bars have cooled they are cut into squares and drizzled with a coconut glaze spiked with a bit of rum.
These Piña Colada Bars are cakey soft with tropical flair and boozy wonderful. One bite and you will find every excuse to make ‘em. Trust, boo.
All I’m sayin’ is, if an Alien were to roll up to Earth for their dessert fix, they’ve come to the right place. I got you, Extraterrestrial boo. In the meantime, as I eagerly await their arrival, I will feed these bars to my humans.
- For the sweetened pineapple chunks
- Pineapple chunks - From two (2) 20 ounce cans, drained
- Granulated sugar - 3 tablespoons
- For the bars
- Unsalted butter, at room temperature - 1 cup
- Granulated sugar - 2 cups
- Salt - 1 teaspoon
- Large eggs - 4
- Vanilla bean paste - 1 teaspoon
- Sweetened cream of coconut (I used Coco Lopez)* - 1 tablespoon
- All-purpose flour, scooped then leveled - 3 cups
- Sweetened coconut flakes - 1 cup
- For the coconut rum glaze
- Confectioners’ sugar - 1 1/4 cup
- Vanilla extract - 1 teaspoon
- Sweetened cream of coconut (I used Coco Lopez)* - 2 teaspoons
- Dark rum - 1 tablespoon
- Whole milk - 2-3 tablespoons
Sweeten the pineapple chunks:
Drain the pineapples from their juice and place in a large bowl. Sprinkle sugar over the pineapple. Mix briefly with a spatula and set aside uncovered for 30 minutes or so.
Bake the batter:
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Lightly spray a 9x13 dish and line with parchment leaving a slight overhang. Set aside.
In a bowl of an electric mixer fitted with a paddle attachment over medium/high speed – Cream the butter, sugar, and salt until light and fluffy. This should take about 2-3 minutes or so.
Add eggs one at a time, mixing well after each addition. Stop and scrape the mixer to incorporate. Make sure you scrape the bottom of the mixer. Reduce the speed to low. Add the vanilla bean paste and sweetened cream of coconut*. Mix briefly to combine.
Add the flour in two parts, mixing until just combined. Stop and remove bowl from mixer. Fold in the sweetened coconut flakes. Fold the batter a couple of times to incorporate any dry bits that remain on the bottom of the bowl, but do not over mix. A couple folds is all you need. You will end up with a nice stiff batter. It’s cool.
Measure about 3 1/2 cups of batter and drop into prepared pan. Smooth and even out as best you can with a small offset spatula. It doesn’t have to be perfect.
Drain the pineapple slices. Drop spoonfuls of macerated pineapple chunks over the batter and spread them as even as you can.
With a cookie scoop, drop random spoonfuls of remaining batter over the macerated pineapple. No need to smooth it out. This situation will melt and come together.
Place pan in the oven and bake for 30-40 minutes until the top is a golden brown. Note: Due to the insane amount of natural juice in pineapples cooking times may be slightly longer. Check by inserting a toothpick in the batter in several places and ensuring the toothpick test clear before removing from the oven.
Remove dish (or pan) from the oven and allow it to cool completely before removing from the dish and glazing.
Make the glaze:
In a small bowl, combine the confectioners' sugar, vanilla extract, cream of coconut, and dark rum. Add the milk 1 tablespoon at a time and mix with either a small whisk or a fork until you get the desired consistency.
Lifting the parchment overhang, remove bars from the dish. Cut the bars into squares and drizzle glaze over the bars. Top with pineapple chunks and a cherry if desired.
*If you’re not a fan of Coco Lopez you can also use coconut extract.
Makes 24 large bars