This pudding is the real deal, y’all! Silky Banana pudding piped with a lightly sweetened Nutella whipped cream, and dusted with a Nilla Wafer Crumble!

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My son is days from becoming a teenager.

DAYS!!

And I can’t handle that s***!

I’m going to be straight with you guys – I am, without a doubt expecting that boy to wake up on the day of his 13th birthday a completely different person.

A werewolf, maybe.

I dunno…

It’s all happening so fast. I mean – I remember his very first cry, the overwhelming happiness I felt from holding that baby in my arms and taking a sniff of a baby smell that lasted 2 whole years.

I loved him instantly. This baby who was punching me from the inside was here.

Real.

Mine.

And it changed me.

And now almost 13 years later he kind of towers over me, his voice is hella deep, he’s furry like a damn bear, and he’s a year away from High School.

High School!

I can’t handle that s***!!

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And to bring it home – A dose of reality, like ice water smacking me in the face.

I planned on taking him to his first High School fair, to explore options, perhaps attend school in another borough. Now, as much control as I exert over every detail of his life – And believe me, I play puppet master, I realize choosing a High School is not my decision to make.

It’s his.

So we’re in the kitchen discussing the fair, my expectations, his goals, etc. – When he asks; “Ma, can we invite so and so to the High School fair?”

“So and So” is a girl.

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A GIRL!

A girl who wants to go to the very same high school my son wants to attend. Is it too early to dislike this girl? – Because I don’t like her. Already she’s becoming a distraction. She makes me want to sharpen a machete and scare the living crap out of her. I won’t – Because there are legal repercussions.

Instead I crawl in a fetal position and rock back and forth.

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I know this girl is going to make her way onto my couch and worm her way into my boy’s heart.  I know this for a fact. Further to that, at some point, this girl is going to have her tongue down my son’s uvula. It is only a matter of time – And I vacillate between wanting to crawl into a fetal position and sharpening a machete. And damn it, because of the legal repercussions I’m going to crawl into a damn fetal position.

Straight up – I don’t like her…

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About a year ago I wrote about this, and thought only a batch of these cookies would have sufficed – Oh no – That was a year ago when the possibility of a girl feeling up the boy I spent 14 hours in labor with was a distant thought.  – Now whoever wants to date my son will be put through the rigors of an overprotective mama.

Think Survivor meets Fear Factor hosted by Gordon Ramsey.

Homegirl is going to make me some pudding – In my kitchen – And that s*** is going to get real. I’ll give her a week to practice at home, so she’d better stock up on eggs and bring her A-game. I’m not playing…

Now that I’ve let out my frustration… Let’s talk about this pudding…

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It’s a multi-step situation – And while it may seem time consuming on paper, it all comes together in about 35-40 minutes, plus chill time. Chill time I will personally use to grill this girl about her goals and dreams – Using my I-don’t-like-you-don’t-touch-my-son- scary face.

I have that look down to a science.

This banana pudding comes alive with the addition of banana liqueur. Using banana liqueur is KEY. Most puddings get their banana flavor from layers of ripe bananas; however, this pudding gets its flavor from a steeped banana liqueur. Do not use flavoring – That’s junk – You want your pudding to taste like bananas and not like a Laffy Taffy.

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You’ll thank me.

Then there’s the crumble. Crushed Nilla wafers with a hint of cinnamon, moistened with melted butter and baked until fragrant and browned.

And the pièce de résistance – Nutella whipped cream… Yes, Nutella whipped cream tops this pudding. I swear, it’s a party of textures and flavors – And who the hell doesn’t want a textural flavor party?

Right?

And so, if a chick wants to hang out on my couch, pretend to hit the buttons on my son’s PlayStation controller, and attempt to shove her tongue down my son’s tonsils… This is what she’ll be put though. It’s not enough to smile, display good manners, and “Yes Mrs. Bosslady” me to death.

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Oh no… She will have to go through me…

And I am not above sharpening machetes for this boy.

Legal repercussions be damned…

This pudding is the real deal, y'all! Silky Banana pudding piped with a lightly sweetened Nutella whipped cream, and dusted with a Nilla Wafer Crumble! www.mind-over-batter.com
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