Summer isn’t over, homies!!! Peep this: Chopped Oreos Cookies are folded into this creamy custard-based chocolate ice cream. If you’re a chocolate lover – This one’s for you!

I’m giving side-eye to a husband who insists I exercise.

Where the hell did that come from?

Pero like, I was just starting to embrace this size 14. I’m already comfortably out of breath when I walk briskly and talk at the same time. I snore super loud now; loud enough to wake myself up. I climbed 8 miles in the rainforest with this fat ass and these huge D-sized boobs and I made it.

Barely. But I made it.
I didn’t die.
A jaguar didn’t chase and drag me to its lair. Where do jaguars live again? Doesn’t matter. I wasn’t dragged there.
And that fly who incessantly buzzed in my ear and tried to throw me off the edge…? That bitch failed. Four times!
So did the bird that flew STRAIGHT over my head.

I felt super weighed down and connected to the gorund and shit. My size 14 ass, my muddy Chuck Tailors, and my walking stick.
I’m out here feeling like the real MVP.
It’s just me and my cellulite, looking like a stuffed chorizo. We out here living life.
This is me now when my husband is like, ‘You need to exercise blah… blah… Blah…Let’s go bike riding…Blah… Blah… Blah… You need to wake up at 4AM and work out.’

He’s cray. It’s better here, spooning ice cream in my mouth.
Now flow with me, let’s talk about this situation.

I’ve been slacking on my recipe testing and this blog. I’m not here to apologize. Ask my husband. I don’t apologize well. I apologized to my son earlier and it still sounded like I was blaming him for some shit I did.
I’m not apologizing with words. I’m apologizing by way of ice cream.
I finally cracked the homemade smooth-as-fuck ice cream code.
You ready?
Come closer.
Nah, that’s too close. Back up.

It’s milk powder.
Replacing some of your liquid with milk powder will yield a batch of ice cream with a smooth, dope ass mouth feel. Close your eyes. Imagine the smoothest ice cream you’ve ever tasted. Do you remember it? The feeling? Hold onto it. Now open your eyes. You can make an ice cream just as smooth and creamy. I got you, boo.

I planned a basic cookies –n– cream deal, then decided against it. I added chocolate because a chick craves chocolate right now and forever. I also crushed around 15 Oreo cookies in this sum-bitch because… Well… You know… We’re all living in 2017-adjusted terms.
This year is weird.
Chocolate ice cream.
Oreo cookies.
As many as you can fit into a batch.

Give ‘em some side eye if they ask you to exercise or eat healthy.
Now is not the time.

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